It’s hard to sleep when I’m worried. My mind races, and the next day, I feel exhausted. Sometimes, I even get a headache on top of it. This makes me think of a time in my life when my emotions were spiraling.
As a teenager, I wrote in my diary:
September 7
Sometimes I feel like if I fell off the face of the earth, no one would notice… I feel invisible. Sometimes, I feel as if people look at me and see nothing there.
Going to counselors helped, but they didn’t heal me. My faith in Jesus depended on how I felt that day, which was usually pretty terrible. Writing poetry pulled me out of that deep, dark pit. It helped me believe that maybe, just maybe, there was a small glimmer of a rainbow after all.
January 27 – Finding a Way Away From the Stampeding Elephants
Soaring through the skies,
under stampeding elephants,
from one moment
to the next.
When I’m under
stampeding elephants,
will I be able
to pull myself back up?
Will I be able to work
my way around
the stampeding elephants?
There are so many,
stampeding elephants!
Please don’t let
these elephants crush me!
I’ll never find a way
away from
the stampeding elephants!
Sun,
please shine your light
on me.
I can barely see you,
in the darkness
of the stampeding elephants.
I’m depending on you, Sun,
to shine your light
on me.
In the darkness of depression, I was searching for God’s light.
The Turning Point
I found a flicker of light in college when I met some friends at young adult bible study. I was tired of feeling numb neither happy nor sad. I took myself off the anti-depressant I was on. (Don’t do this unless you consult your doctor.)
Shortly afterward a classmate borrowed something of mine without my permission and a family member burst into my room to get something while I was sleeping.
Underneath stampeding elephants again, I hated that people thought they could walk all over me. I did nothing to stand up for myself in either situation.
Crying alone in my room, I started to destroy treasured projects, but something told me to turn to the Psalms. I wiped away my tears, realizing I wasn’t alone.
I didn’t have to be under stampeding elephants. I was in a community of believers.
Trusting God
Finally, in a community of young adult believers, I chose to trust God. I decided that no matter how bad the depression got, I was going to walk with Jesus. Through prayer and fighting through it with scriptures like:
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. – Psalm 62:2
I overcame depression! But I knew that holding on to God as my rock was just the beginning—I needed to build defenses to protect what God had restored in me.
Walking with God
Depression was a spiritual attack on my mind. So, I’ve taken steps to guard myself.
Every day, I look myself in the mirror and speak scripture over my life:
“But those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.” – Isaiah 40:31
At first, it felt awkward. When I speak a new scripture over myself, I may not fully believe it yet. But over time, as I repeat these promises daily, I begin to truly believe them. My hope is in the Lord. He renews my strength every single day. He provides for me, and I trust that He has great plans for my life—because I’ve already seen what He has done in my past. I know there is so much more ahead for me and you.
Is there a scripture that speaks to your situation today? Do you not fully believe it right now? Look yourself in the mirror and speak it over yourself. Do this every day until it becomes part of who you are.
Now I can soar with the eagles by giving thanks.
Thankful Journal
Each evening, I write in my thankful journal—three things from that day that I’m grateful for. It could be something as small as a delicious taco, a funny moment with my niece, or the feeling that I made a small impact on someone. Thankfulness leads to joy, even in tough circumstances.
If you want more joy in your life, why not start writing three things you’re thankful to God for today? Don’t wait otherwise you’ll never do it. Make it a consistent practice every day.
Sometimes I feel like a failure, so I write my successes too.
I also try to write three successes in my journal each day. Some days, I only write one. Success doesn’t have to be huge—it could be as simple as working on this journal prompt, connecting with a middle schooler, or learning a new art technique. But as long as I have at least one success per day, how can I feel like a failure? In the Lord, I am a success as long as I keep moving forward. And if I stumble, I know God forgives me.
He forgives me if I just don’t feel like exercising today, but I usually do. It makes me feel energized and happy.
Enjoying Exercise
“What we do with our physical body—what we eat, how much we exercise, even our posture—can impact our mental state, either positively or negatively.” – Patricia Hart, MD.
After work, I love doing dance workouts. I can’t help but smile while I dance—it keeps my body active and my mind energized.
In the summer, I swim. I’m like a fish in the water! I challenge myself to swim one or two extra laps each time. When I first started, I realized I was capable of more than I thought.
Did you know that exercise makes you happier? If you don’t feel like exercising, try various things until you find something you like. You don’t even have to exercise for that long for it to boost your mood.
I speak scripture over myself, write in my thankful and success journal and exercise to be on guard against spiritual attacks. I think you can do the same.
Sources and References:
The Bible. New International Version, Bible Gateway, Proverbs 14:30.
The Bible. New International Version, Bible Gateway, Psalm 62:2.
The Bible. New International Version, Bible Gateway, Isaiah 40:31.
“What Is the Mind-Body Connection?” Taking Charge of Your Health & Wellbeing, University of Minnesota, https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu. Dispenza, Joe. “How Your Thoughts Change Your Brain, Cells, and Genes.” HuffPost, 21 March 2016, https://www.huffpost.com